Understanding Masking in Autistic Children: Key Insights for Parents and Teachers

Imagine a child who appears perfectly fine at school—quiet, compliant, even excelling in academics or social interactions. To their teachers, they might seem like the ideal pupil. But when they return home, they unravel—exhausted, overwhelmed, and experiencing meltdowns. This is the reality of masking, a behaviour where autistic children suppress their natural responses to fit into a neurotypical world.

For parents and teachers alike, understanding masking is key to supporting autistic children effectively. Beneath the surface of this seemingly “fine” exterior lies a complex struggle that can impact a child’s mental health and well-being.

What is Masking?

Masking is the act of hiding or suppressing autistic traits in order to conform to social norms and avoid negative attention. For children, this might involve mimicking peers, avoiding stimming (like hand-flapping or fidgeting), or forcing themselves to smile and make eye contact. While masking can help children navigate school, it comes at a cost. Behind the smiles and compliance, these children may experience heightened stress, anxiety, and sensory overload.

Why Do Children Mask?

1. Fear of Rejection: Many autistic children mask because they fear being judged or excluded by their peers.

2. Desire to Please: Children often pick up on societal expectations that quiet, compliant behaviour is "good."

3. Avoiding Punishment: Masking can be a defence mechanism to avoid reprimands for behaviours that others might misinterpret, like stimming.

4. Cultural Pressures: Research shows that masking is more prevalent in girls and in children from diverse racial and cultural backgrounds, where additional societal expectations may amplify the need to conform.

The Cost of Masking

While masking can create the illusion of a child coping well, the internal toll is significant.

• Mental Health Challenges: Masking is strongly linked to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. The emotional strain of pretending to be “normal” can feel overwhelming.

• Autistic Burnout: Over time, masking can lead to autistic burnout, a state of physical and emotional exhaustion that leaves children unable to cope with daily demands.

• Loss of Identity: When children suppress their true selves, they may feel disconnected from who they really are, leading to low self-esteem.

• Delayed Support: Because masking hides struggles, children often go undiagnosed or fail to receive the support they need.

Recognising Masking in School

Teachers often view masking as a sign that the child is “fine.” However, there are subtle signs that may indicate otherwise:

• Perfectionism: The child might strive to follow every rule or complete tasks flawlessly, even when overwhelmed.

• Withdrawn Behaviour: A quiet, compliant child might seem “easy” to manage, but they could be suppressing significant stress.

• After-School Meltdowns: Parents often report that their child holds it together at school but unravels emotionally at home.

• Fatigue: A masked child may appear increasingly tired or disengaged as the school day progresses.

How Can Teachers and Parents Help?

The good news is that both parents and teachers can play a role in supporting autistic children and reducing the need to mask.

1. Create a Safe Environment

• Normalise neurodiversity by teaching all children that differences are acceptable and valuable.

• Allow autistic children to express themselves naturally through stimming, taking breaks, or using alternative communication.

2. Foster Open Communication

• Build trust so children feel safe expressing their struggles and needs without fear of judgment.

• Use tools like visual emotion cards or hand signals to help children communicate non-verbally.

3. Provide Sensory-Friendly Accommodations

• Create a sensory-friendly space at school where children can decompress.

• Offer tools like noise-cancelling headphones or fidget toys to help with regulation.

4. Collaborate with Parents

• Teachers and parents should work together to identify the child’s needs and behaviours across settings.

• Regular check-ins can ensure that both home and school environments are supportive.

5. Offer Predictable Breaks

• Incorporate regular movement or sensory breaks into the school day to help children recharge.

6. Focus on Long-Term Well-Being

• Recognise that addressing masking isn’t just about helping in the moment. By supporting children to be their authentic selves, you’re contributing to their mental health, confidence, and identity in the long term.

Final Thoughts: Supporting the Whole Child

Masking might make a child appear to be thriving, but it’s a survival strategy with hidden costs. By recognising and addressing masking, parents and teachers can help autistic children feel safe to be themselves—without fear of rejection, judgement, or exhaustion.

When we create inclusive, understanding environments, we empower children to thrive as their true selves, both in and out of the classroom. Together, we can create a world where every child is celebrated for who they are.

Máire Powell Social Worker | Author of Executive Functioning Superpowers